SHADES OF HUMAN LIFE #4 – POLSKA WERSJA TUTAJ.
„The strongest people aren’t those who had an easy beginning—they’re the ones who choose to end the cycle.”
SHADES OF HUMAN LIFE #4 – MIMI – HOI AN VIETNAM– NOT EVERY CHILDHOOD BEGINS WITH LOVE. SOME LIVES TEACH US HOW TO CREATE IT.
Some stories begin with absence.
Not with big dreams, not with a safe home, not with arms that were always there to hold you.
They begin with a silence that no one knew how to fill.
Before you read Mimi’s story, I’d like to tell you a little about how we met.
I lived at Mimi’s place in Hoi An for almost a month. Ironically, during those first days we barely spoke to each other. We were simply two people sharing the same house. But one day we finally sat down and started talking… and we just couldn’t stop. We simply clicked.
Life has a funny way of reminding us never to judge a book by its cover. Sometimes the most meaningful relationships begin where, at first glance, nothing seems to be happening.
To this day, we still keep in touch. Mimi has become so much more than someone I met while traveling. She’s like the sister I never had.
When I created the Shades of Human Life project, I immediately knew I wanted to invite her to share her story. Because these are the stories that have the power to change the way we see other people.
Mimi’s story is not a story about a perfect childhood.
Nor is it a story about blame or accusations.
It is the story of a little girl who grew up without a father, with a mother fighting every single day just to survive. A child who learned to run through rice fields with joy, even though warmth was often missing at home.
It is also the story of a woman who, as an adult, came to understand something incredibly difficult:
we cannot always change our past, but we can change what we choose to pass on.
Mimi doesn’t talk about extraordinary achievements or dramatic moments.
She talks about the quiet, everyday effort of loving differently than she was taught.
Perhaps that’s why her story isn’t only about her.
It’s about everyone who grew up with something missing, yet still chooses to build a life rooted in kindness, awareness, compassion, and understanding.
MIMI’S ANSWERS
(Here you can insert the original English Q&A exactly as received — unchanged.)
CHILDHOOD & ROOTS
- What kind of child were you growing up?
I was an energetic happy girl. I was actually unaware of my dad’s absence since he passed away when I was 2 years old. I grew up happily and wildly.
- What part of your childhood still lives inside you today?
All the folk games and the wandering around the rice fields with my childhood friends. Childhood is the best part of my life when I think about it even I didn’t have a lot of love from my family. My mom was a widow and she had 4 children to raise up so she was busy all day long. Life was so hard to her so I remember she was a grumpy one, especially when it came to winter because she couldn’t run her street vendor on rainy days. All I remember about my childhood was great time, fun, strong connection with neighbors.
- What values did your parents teach you that stayed with you throughout life?
My mom could only finish second grade at school and her whole life was a street vendor. She inherited the harshness and stinginess from my grandmother. Looking into it and I am learning to be generous as much as I can. She still doesn’t like me about this. When I buy things for her she doesn’t enjoy it. And now I have to accept who she is so I stop buying things for her. Sometimes I give her some small money and tell her to go grab a bowl of Pho. She is happy with it and I am happy too. Beside it, all of her 4 girls also inherit the loyalty from her genre. My dad died when she was 33 and stayed single since then. All of us grew up without a man in our family, my sisters also suffered a lot from their love stories. I can see that all of us are strong and independent ones in terms of making a living but weak and vulnerable in love. Because we are all searching for a protector not merely a romantic lover. So, this is also something that my parents didn’t teach me but I see many lessons from them.
I also did wonder many times why my mom didn’t love us the normal way as other moms. The more I grow up the more I see from life and what she inherited from my grandmother, I am now see it as a lesson for me to approach unconditional love. I am learning to apply it on my daughter. Now I don’t feel hurt from my mom any more. I have compassion on her life and I have to move on with my next generation to stop the curse on my family.
- Were there any role models in your childhood who shaped the person you became?
No-one, I grew up very wildly and instinctively. My mom just cared about making money, she even didn’t know how to connect all of her girls. I think, personally I enjoyed it too coz I didn’t get any influnce from anybody, which made my childhood so enjoyable. You can imagine about me as a monkey swinging all around the village with joys and curiosity.
- Is there something you feel was missing in your childhood?
I sometimes wish I had a chance to experience fatherhood. I sometimes wish my grandmother was kind and generous like my friends’ ones. I wish my mom knew how to connect my sisters so I could enjoy more beautiful things of siblinghood. So, all my childhood is about folk games, neighborhood, rice fields. I missed love of family but I think it was fair enough for me. I really enjoyed my childhood though. Coz what if my dad didn’t pass away and he was a tough one, didn’t let me swing all around?
IDENTITY & LIFE PATH
- Who were you before the world told you who you should be?
I was an over-enthusiatic one, over extroverted one. I could be all day on the move from this friend’s place to another one to visit them all. I was enthusiatic to make people feel I am the one who cares for them and the one can bring joys to them. You know, it’s because I didn’t have the family orientation nurture.
- If you had to describe yourself in four adjectives, what would they be?
Mindful, positive, caring, humorous
- Was there a moment when your life took a completely unexpected turn?
It’s not a moment, it’s a journey that I’ve been through and reallize it. The thing that I didn’t expect in life is that I cannot share everything in my mind with my husband. When I was young I thought that when I am married, my husband would be my soul-mate but in reality it’s not like what I thought. But, I am the one who love lessons and positive so I won’t give up. I am working on it. It’s not now but maybe in the future when he’s not as busy as now and we can share more spiritual lessons with each other. To me, tomorrow can come if we are dedicated to strive. Let go the past so the future can come. Don’t attache to anything. Don’t frame yourself.
- What decision in your life changed your direction the most?
I didn’t make any big decision to change my life. It’s a journey of following my gut feelings. I devote myself to life and definitely life will be open to me. I think because I am gifted for learning so to me life is about keeping learning whatever comes.
- What do you consider your greatest success in life — not professionally, but personally?
Personally, I am now proud of myself to be a calmer person, have more compassion. I am proud to be a compassionate, empathetic and considerate one.I am striving to experience the most of unconditional love. If some day I can deliver this love to anybody I would be extremely happy. But it’s still hard and I am trying my best to apply it in my personal life now.
MOTHERHOOD & FAMILY
- How did becoming a mother change you as a person?
My mom was not a great mother in my perspective, which hurried me to be a mom. I guess, back then I unconciously wanted to prove that she was an unloving, uncaring mother. In the mean time, I also wanted to know what motherhood was coz I didn’t get it through my mom. At the begining of my motherhood, I kept asking why my mom didn’t love her children as much as I did. I devoted my time to my daughter a lot. So becoming a mother to me back then was just to prove to myself that my mom was a really abnormal one. Apart from it, being a mom is salso great to me coz looking at my child I know that I have to fix myself a lot. Every parent wants to be a great model for their children. I am one of those too, and I did a lot of things to be better for the sake of my daughter too. And of course, I am benificial from it as well.
- What has motherhood taught you about patience and love?
If we could recall our childhood we would remember how wild, fearless we were. Children have no sense of consequences. Parents are opposite. We always want to teach the children to do things to prevent unexpected outcomes. However, children don’t care, they just live their life right at the present moments. This reflection helps me a lot to be patient with my daughter. All things we think that are good for them actually for us. We want to show that we are conducting great parenting, which is proven by our children’s achievements. But in reality, I am trying my best to be mindful about this kinda patience too. Bringing up a child which let her be authentic is not easy at all. Sometimes I am concious that I should let her be herself, sometimes I am worried if I am spoiling her. I remember the time when she was under 5 years old, my love for her is pure and unconditional. I just loved her whatever she did. Then, she started primary school when I was initially stressed by the social rules. People started to complain about her behaviors at school, at the coffee shop..etc. I was also gradually influenced by those. Accordingly, I started to fix her in order to fit in. Eventually, my pure love for her is fading, conditional love had a chance to exist between us. So many times I want to ignore all the social norms so that we can be just who we are. It’s so hard to keep unconditional love for my daughter amongs this crazy world. But, I am striving to let go many frames in my mind.
- What values would you most like to pass on to your daughter?
I would love her to be aware about being authentic, positive and mindful.
- What do you hope your daughter will remember about you one day?
I hope she remembers that I am always there for her whatever her life turns to be. I would be her side whatever she chooses.
- What is the most beautiful moment you experienced as a mother?
The most beutiful thing is to see my daughter growing up from a tiny creature to who she is now.
LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS
- What does love mean to you today?
I think I am a dedicated lover. Love means a lot in my life now. I still wanna do stupid things for my husband like i did when we were young but he’s too busy to care about it. I love my daughter and wanna be crazy with her forgeting all about silly standards of this world. I am a spritual one so love is important thing to my life. However, I understand that love is an attachment too if i am obssessed with it. That’s why I am always working my best on conducting unconditional love. I don’t wanna tie my beloved ones. I should love them the way they are and whatever they become.
- Who in your life truly saw you for who you are?
So far, nobody truly does. It’s hard coz even me i am still working hard to see every piece of me.
- What have relationships taught you about yourself?
All the relationships have taught me about letting go. Nothing is eternal so don’t attach to anything. See yourself and have compassion for people in the on going relationship.
- What makes relationships strong and lasting in your opinion?
Honesty, sincerity. Without those you cannot be open to each other and love cannot stay.
INNER PEACE & DAILY LIFE
- How did you find your inner peace?
I talked to myself a lot. I observed and reflect through others’ stories. I used to be an super extrovert one so I have been through a lot of impulsive moments. I think when we experience enough we would realize that in the end of the road, only ourselves. Nobody can help us get out of any kinds of bubbles. Inner peace to me is not about feeling peaceful, it’s about having strength to embrace all kinds of emotions that rise in me. I enjoy being sad, happy, joyful, disappointed. Emotions come emotions go and my mission to myself is to balance and reach myself to the level of average. I don’t wanna hook myself to happiness too much coz it’s gonna be easily collapsible when things don’t go our way.
- What helps you stay calm when life becomes difficult?
My motto is: as long as we still breath. So when things become difficult I keep in mind that the most important thing is I am still alive. To live this life is to be alive. Take time and calm down.
- Do you have any daily rituals that help you stay balanced?
I did Buddism rituals before but I stopped doing it coz I want to raise the habit of being mindful in any upcoming events. I find it more difficult but I want to challenge myself.
- What do you do when you feel lost or overwhelmed?
As any women I cry. Afterwards, i started to question myself. I give myself a list of questions to find out the root of my emotion. I analizę the situation practice compassion to get into the others’ shoes. Once i finish my questioneries I always feel better and see things more clearly.
- What does peace of mind mean to you?
To me, peace of mind is a mindset of acceptance. If we accept whatever across our path, observe it, experience it and feel it. I embrace all kinds of emotions that happen inside me.
JOY & POSITIVITY
- Where does your smile come from?
Instinctively I was born to make people laugh. I don’t know why but i feel like a mission to make people happy when i am there. Gradually, i found it too much to be and that passion is fading. Now I’m a bit more quiet than before and I prefer listening to others. So I was born to be a cheerful one and now trying to be less. Maybe I have been enough of cheering up people.
- What helps you keep a positive spirit even during hard times?
Mostly i find it my instinction. I always want to share fun things so I don’t keep bad things for long time. And I think the most important thing is that I have attached myself with an image of being positive and humorous and I am pleased with it.
- What small things in life bring you the most joy?
Hard question to me. Every moment is joy so it’s hard to find one.
- What makes you feel grateful today?
Grateful to be living, to be a mom, a wife and to have freedom on whatever I wanna do.
LIFE & MEANING
- What does happiness mean to you today?
To understand everything about myself.
- What gives your life the most meaning now?
Actually I don’t want to attach myself with any kinds of achiviements or targets to fulfill. I’m not lost but I just don’t want to frame myself in a certain path. To me, do the best of me as a mom, a wife with mindfulness is meaningful thing now.
- What truth about yourself did you discover the latest in life?
I want to keep this for myself *_*.
- What do you feel is most important in life right now?
To be living, to be loving, to be caring.
- What are you still hoping to achieve or experience in life?
I don’t hope and don’t expect, I just enjoy every moment of life. My password: lifeisgood.
WISDOM & REFLECTION
- What advice would you give to your younger self?
Spend more time for myself.
- What is one truth about life that took you a long time to understand?
In the end of the day, it’s only myself. In the end of the road, I will find myself. In the end of this life, only myself.
- How would you like to be remembered?
As I try to be less cheerful but I can’t get out 100% of this fate so I think people would remember me as a cheerful positive person.
- If you could express your life in one sentence, what would it be?
I am so grateful that I am so lucky to have most freedom to do whatever I want in my life.
CONLUSION
Not every story begins with love.
Not every family knows how to express it in the way we need.
But Mimi’s story reveals something even more powerful than absence.
It reveals the possibility of change.
It reminds us that even if we grow up in a place where love was difficult, distant, or missing, we can still learn it.
Not overnight.
Not without pain.
Not without questions.
But one step at a time.
Perhaps that is what true strength really is—
not what we were given at the beginning of our lives,
but what we choose to create afterward.
And maybe that’s why the most important sentence in Mimi’s story is also the simplest:
„At the end of the journey, I will meet myself.”
